鈥淗olidays bring out yearning and hope, but also excessive expectations that everything is going to be perfect, or feelings of regret that things aren鈥檛 like they used to be, or that things have never been the way you want them,鈥� Meador said. 鈥淚t should be a season of anticipatory hope, rather than expectations of illusionary perfection.
鈥淭here鈥檚 an illusion during the holidays that everybody else is happy, everybody else is having this glorious time, and many people wonder why their lives aren鈥檛 like that. This time of the year particularly challenges what I think can be very constructive 鈥� negotiating the inevitable disappointments of life. Figuring out how to cope with disappointment isn鈥檛 all bad. There鈥檚 some hope within that.鈥�
Stopping daily activities to spend time with families can bring out feelings and issues that often go unspoken during the day-to-day activities of life, Meador said.
鈥淪o unless we鈥檝e thought about these issues, or have a place to talk about them with others, we may find ourselves particularly vulnerable to depression. Normal daily activities stop and everything is supposed to be wonderful and there鈥檚 supposed to be a certain glow, but instead we find ourselves facing realities that we were avoiding throughout the year.鈥�
Meador said the holidays are a good time to discuss issues with family members in a non-pressured context, if it鈥檚 possible to pull back from the excessive expectations. 鈥淭ry being honest with one another with gratitude for the gifts of love and friendship we bring to the table, and not faulting each other for our inevitable imperfections.鈥�
Meador offered the following tips to make holiday togetherness less stressful鈥� Don鈥檛 overplan or overcommit. Too much change in routine, even good change, can produce stress. Too many changes 鈥� traveling more, eating more, staying up later, shopping more 鈥� can stress us.鈥� Be flexible. It鈥檚 a necessity, especially when there are family events planned by in-laws and other relatives. You can鈥檛 control time spent with others. Understand that holidays will change your routine and require more decision making. Accept that it鈥檚 all part of the holiday.鈥� Be grateful for what you have, instead of grasping for what you don鈥檛 have.鈥� Be accepting. Forgive your family for not being perfect.鈥� Don鈥檛 overspend. Know when to quit. The New Year is going to be here soon, and so will the credit card bill.鈥� As you face the New Year, realize there are going to be disappointments. You had them this year. You鈥檒l have them over the coming year.
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