鈥淐omplicated family dynamics, combined with issues surrounding eating, weight, and body image, can be a recipe for misunderstandings and hurt feelings,鈥� says Stacey Cahn, PhD, associate professor of clinical psychology at Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. She suggests expanding the typical list of 鈥渢aboo鈥� conversation topics鈥攕uch as politics and religion鈥攁nd says everyone has the 鈥淧OWER鈥� to avoid potential landmines this holiday season:
PoliticsOthers鈥� weightWeight (yours)ExerciseReligion
Here, Dr. Cahn offers five POWER tips that go beyond politics and religion: 1. DON鈥橳 comment on others鈥� weight. Many families commonly make 鈥渁ppearance-oriented鈥� comments, such as, 鈥淵ou look great! Have you lost weight?鈥� Even such well-meaning, weight-related comments can be misinterpreted by some and trigger anxiety and self-consciousness. The holiday dinner table is generally not the time to comment on someone鈥檚 weight, or the amount of food on their plate. Give the Food and Weight Police the day off this holiday. It鈥檚 fine to count your own calories鈥ut not someone else鈥檚.
2. DON鈥橳 comment on your own weight. People of all sizes can publicly bemoan their weight (e.g., 鈥淚鈥檓 so fat and disgusting! I shouldn鈥檛 even be eating this.鈥�). While this may simply reflect reassurance-seeking about one鈥檚 weight, it can make others feel awkward and uncomfortable during a holiday feast (鈥淲ow, if she thinks she鈥檚 fat, what must she be thinking about me? Does she think I shouldn鈥檛 be eating this?鈥�). There鈥檚 simply no effective public response to publicly shared, weight-based self-criticism (see #1), and it can trigger others鈥� insecurities. Try to give your 鈥渋nner-critic鈥� the day off, or keep self-criticisms to yourself.
3. GUESTS: DO bring food you can eat if you follow a special diet (e.g., gluten-free, Paleo, kosher, vegan, etc.). Hosting a large holiday gathering is stressful. It鈥檚 a lot of work, even without any guests with dietary restrictions. If you follow a special diet, tell your host in advance what you鈥檇 like to bring, and make enough for others to try. Bring a serving dish and spoon (disposable ones if your host keeps a kosher kitchen). Expecting your host to prepare a special meal just for you invites resentment (and potential unpopularity).
4. HOSTS: DO be sensitive to guests of all sizes. Just like you鈥檇 accommodate your younger guests with a booster seat, larger friends and family may appreciate comparable accommodations. For example, people of larger size are often more comfortable in chairs without arms, or may prefer sitting where they are not forced to squeeze past other guests at the table. Consider using place cards to discreetly ensure the comfort, dignity, and respect of all your guests.
5. DON鈥橳 proselytize, even if your fitness regimen is 鈥淭he Way.鈥� Don鈥檛 mistake polite attentiveness for fascination. Here鈥檚 the truth: people鈥檚 workout routines are often boring to everyone but themselves鈥攏ot even dear friends or family are generally that interested.. Other family members, particularly those with physical limitations, may feel awkward or excluded if they have nothing to contribute to the sermon conversation.
*A version of this piece originally ran on Philly.com: http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/goal-getter-nutrition/Give-the-weight-police-a-day-off-this-holiday.html
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